Synonyms For What The Hell Is Going On

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything here, largely because the things I would’ve said were already being said by people more articulate than I am. Sure, that’s a common (and favorite) excuse for blogger’s malaise, but it’s true nonetheless. I’ll even go one better and say that the important stories were already being linked to by those more professional and prolific and better informed than I am. That’s why I wasn’t doing a bunch of linking.

Mostly, though, it’s because I’ve run out of adjectives to describe the issue-of-issues: the current Presidential contest. Six months ago, it was absurd. Four months ago, it was ludicrous. Two months ago, it was absolutely fucking insane. Now… it’s difficult for me to even find words for it. That’s what I mean when I say I’ve run out of adjectives. There are only so many synonyms for “unbelievable.”

I don’t know which is more terrifying: That reality seems to have become irrelevant, or that very, very few people seem to care. Approximately half of this country is going to vote for John Kerry, and I’ve given up trying to understand how that became possible.

As far as reality, I mean, gravity still seems to work… things still fall when you drop them. The sun still rises every morning and sets every night. Fire is still hot, and the sky is still blue, usually. What doesn’t make sense is how anyone could willingly cast their vote for John Kerry based on anything other than the fact that he isn’t George W. Bush.

In light of the mountains of evidence supporting the contention that Kerry is nothing more than an opportunistic political whore, compelled to lie with impunity about everything from the smallest details to the grandest plots, bereft of any principles whatsoever, and a man whose ethics are guided only by what a nebulous 51% of the population claims they want at any given moment, how can an honest individual unclouded by irrational Bush derangement syndrome actually want to see this man in the White House-- a man whose only success in winning popular ground on his unpopular opponent is gained by misrepresenting his opponent's positions and shamelessly pandering to whichever special-interest group he happens to be standing in front of at the moment?

He went to Vietnam solely and singlemindedly as a political move, to be used later on (i.e. now) in his political career. He went after medals that he didn’t deserve (because having them would make him look like a “war hero,” exempt from criticism), and fought to obtain them even when his superiors deemed him unworthy of them. He met with the enemy during wartime while still an enlisted Navy man, which by itself renders him ineligible for the office of President based on rules that have been in place since the beginning. He came back from that war and spread disgusting propaganda about our troops that were still there. He aided the enemy. His photo is currently hanging in a museum in Ho Chi Minh City devoted to honoring Vietnam protestors.

He gets a free pass from the mainstream media on nearly all of his lies and distortions. Several major media outlets have been nothing less than brazen in their clear-as-day support for him. When they’re not busy glossing over his contradictions, they’re feverishly burying his lies beneath any half-assed flimsy Bush conspiracy story they can scrounge up. Rather than acknowledge the heavy allegations of the swiftboat vets, they went the route of character assassination, and even searched for any links to known Republican groups in order to “prove” that the allegations were false. Depressingly, this is all a large segment of the population needed to hear: “Oh, those guys who think Kerry is unfit for command are Repugs, or got their hands on some Repug money? Then what they’re saying about his character must be untrue!” According to the people in the media, 99% of whom are not there, the situation in Iraq is one of complete and bloody round-the-clock chaos. According to the people who are there, the media is full of shit. But (and this is the hilarious part) guess whose statements make it onto the front pages of the paper, and the evening news! Guess whose statements are heard by the majority of voting Americans!

Adding insult to injury, Kerry’s attempts to portray himself as a “common man” are laughably poor. He can’t throw a football or eat a cheesesteak, but he damn well wants you to think he can-- that he’s just like you. I have nothing but sad, passive contempt for anyone who might be enchanted by such incompetently crafted pablum.

I imagine that right now, wherever he is and whatever he’s doing (unless he’s asleep), he’s saying something to someone. He could even just be telling someone that he likes Frankenberry better than Count Chocula. He doesn’t mean it-- he’s just saying that because he knows the person he’s talking to happens to prefer Frankenberry. As far as he’s concerned, making people believe he agrees with them is more important than acting on principle and according to reason. When he’s on TV, speaking to us, the American public, he doesn’t mean anything he’s saying. He doesn’t. All he wants is more power. And half of the country wants to give it to him. That, guys and gals, is what’s so fucking absurd about this election.

In short, he has failed to convince me that he gives even a single goddamn about the safety or the success of the people in this country. That was his job, during this entire campaign: To convince me, Voter Who Is Generally Displeased With George W. Bush’s Performance In Office, that he, John Kerry, would do a better job.

He failed, totally and completely and spectacularly. His campaign managed to convince me of just two things: that he himself is a colossal phony in every way that a grown adult man can be a greasy grinning shyster phony, and that he is somehow even less principled and less suited for office than the startlingly unprincipled sitting President.

It blows my mind that he’s even made it this far. He's a fucking transparent nobody who has a scarily decent chance of windsurfing his way right into the highest political position in this country on the breeze of the the irrational, the childish, the socially elitist and the politically shortsighted. What else can I say? Bush is bad. And incredibly, Kerry is even worse!

I’ve run out of adjectives. I'll see you after we know who the hell the next President is.