liberty punk
"the irony of the information age is that it's given new respectability to uninformed opinion."


Friday, October 10, 2003  

Kill Bill

I'm sick of all the hype surrounding this flick. Everywhere I look, every magazine cover, internet banner, TV ad... it's all about 'Kill Bill.' Tarantino thinks he can just slink out of his self-imposed writer/director hiatus and unload this bomb on us? Well, he... I... I mean, he can't just...

Okay, I'm just fucking around here. 'Kill Bill' is gonna be a fantastic, superstylized violence-fest, and you'd just better believe me when I say I can't wait to see it.

In the spirit of SaveTheHumans.com's Unseen Movie Reviews, I'll now review 'Kill Bill' without actually having seen it yet:

Holy shit, was that ever great. The best part was when all those people died. Uma Thurman wears a yellow-and-black jumpsuit just like Bruce Lee's from 'Game of Death,' and that's pretty cool too. No, wait, the best part was when Uma Thurman killed all those people by chopping their limbs and heads off, and then when she's done, she's all like "Those of you who are still alive, you may go, but you will leave your limbs here. They belong to me now," or something like that. Either that, or the part where she and Lucy Liu fight in the snow and [SPOILER ALERT!] stuff happens, and one of them kills the other one [END SPOILER ALERT!], that might also be the best part.

No, actually, the whole movie is just one big, fat, bolshy bastard of a 'best part.' The movie doesn't even have one best part; It's more like when you get home from seeing it, you'll say to your bong-sucking hippie roommate or your idiotic fleabag pets, "The best part about the year 2003 was when I went to see Kill Bill!"

You'll love it so much that when you get home, you'll immediately call up the MovieFone guy just to hear him say "You have selected Kill Bill, Volume One, Rated Aaarrrrr," over and over again. Then maybe you'll go up in your attic and bring down the Hanzo Hattori sword that you inherited from your grandma, and maybe you'll walk down the street to the Circle K and stab a few people, hoping that a young, trash-talking Asian schoolgirl will show up with a spiked ball-and-chain to fight you.

To put it in some kind of perspective: 'Reservoir Dogs' was Quentin's film noir (it even had Lawrence Tierney), 'Jackie Brown' was his blaxploitation flick (it even had Pam Grier), 'Pulp Fiction' was his pulp fiction (it even had Eric Stoltz, who was in 'The Fly II', which was a work of fiction), and 'Kill Bill' is his 70's kung-fu movie (it even has David Carradine and Sonny Chiba).

Go see it right now. Even if you're at work, just stand up and yell, in the general direction of the boss' office, "I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD. GUESS I'LL GO HOME NOW," then run out to your car and speed to the nearest moviehouse, ignoring all traffic laws and pedestrians in your way, because those things will just slow you down.

Go!

posted by geoff | 12:45 PM |


Thursday, October 09, 2003  

Hollywood, Out of Ideas, Etc.

Okay, so first I come across what appears to be (and apparently is, despite what the article says) an authentic movie poster for the Japanese release of the upcoming "Dawn of the Dead" remake. I notice a web address at the bottom. I can't read it. I blow it up in Photoshop. I still can't read it. I guess what it says. I'm wrong. I guess again. I'm right. It says "dotd.eigafan.com."

A little Flash intro, and then a neat-looking logo is what you'll see if you click that link.

Too bad the movie won't be anywhere as great as the original. If you go see the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake when it opens on the 17th, you'll catch a teaser trailer for the DOTD remake as well. Or so I've heard.

posted by geoff | 1:20 PM |
 

30 In 30...

In an ambitious effort to raise some extra scratch, AmericanZine's Todd A. has embarked on a 30-day cyberbusking extravaganza-- every day this month, he'll be writing a new song and posting it on his site, The Hit On List.

Now, I'm not sure if this whole operation is just a way for him to raise money to support his unsavory ping-pong habit, or what. All I know is that today will be song number 9, and if it's anything like the previous eight, it'll be a clever acoustic pop gem, quite possibly written about a random girl that he's encountered in his travels within the last 24 hours. Check it out, and if you've got a few extra bucks burning a hole in your PayPal account, you should consider shooting 'em his way. Not even necessarily because you'll like the songs (you will)... but because the guy's brave (or crazy!) enough to try something like this.

30 songs in 30 days... Man, I was thinking about posting a song here in honor of Halloween, and I'm already worrying about having only three weeks to do it.

Godspeed, Todd A. May your fingers fly across your fretboard, and your savings account become swollen.

posted by geoff | 10:24 AM |


Wednesday, October 08, 2003  

Get To The Chopper!

John Hawkins of RWN has a neat sampling of some of the raving lunacy that shat itself into existence over at the Democratic Underground site at the news of Arnold's victory in CA.

My favorite quote is the one about how California was so close to becoming a liberal paradise full of tolerance, open-mindedness (how does one legislate open-mindedness?), and socio-economic equality (read: state redistribution of wealth), until the voters proved themselves to be dumber than poop by voting for that Hitler-lovin', boob-grabbin' Arnold.

Astounding.

Except... not really.

posted by geoff | 12:56 PM |


Monday, October 06, 2003  

Two Things

Thing Number One:
Bowling For Truth has a great side-by-side comparison of Michael Moore's take on the Patriot Act vs. Jonah Goldberg's. Good stuff.

Thing Number Two:
The upcoming (10/14) Distillers album, "Coral Fang," is gonna be great. You can listen to some of it here (look for the link to the music player). This new record finds them with a second guitarist and a more polished sound. But not polished in a bad way. It's like they took their sound from "Sing Sing Death House" and lovingly polished it with a greasy rag soaked in Everclear.* The first single and video, 'Drain the Blood,' is raw in all the right places, and catchy as hell.

*Everclear the 190-proof grain alcohol/furniture stripper, not Everclear the eight-proof band, in case you were wondering.

posted by geoff | 11:16 AM |
archives
links
bands
hehe, etc.
Site Meter