liberty punk
"the irony of the information age is that it's given new respectability to uninformed opinion."


Wednesday, November 12, 2003  

! ! !

Can you believe this?

I don't even know what to do with myself.

One problem with what Donner says in the article: Data never said "Groonies." He never pronounced it that way, nor would any cartoonish Asian stereotype ever insert an "r" into a word that way. I don't know where that came from.

UPDATE: For the unmotivated, the article linked above is about how Richard Donner and Steven Spielberg have purchased a script for a "Goonies II" film. Here's a list, because I said I'd write one:

Things That Would Make A Goonies Sequel Not Suck
(Donner, I hope you're reading this...)

- If Donner/Spielberg re-assembled the entire original Goonie team (Sean Astin, Corey Feldman, Jeff Cohen, Jonathan Ke Quan, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, and Josh Brolin) and showed us what each of them is up to twenty years after their original adventure. And please, don't be too predictable or obvious: "Michael Walsh, now thirty-five, is a world-famous treasure hunter... Andy the cheerleader-turned-prostitute died tragically in a New Jersey crack house in 1993... Mouth is a drug addict who's in jail for stabbing Andy in a crack house... etc. No, thanks.

- If, as the article suggests, the movie is not entirely about the abovementioned characters, but also features a younger Goonie squad who have an adventure of their own, then... this is crucially important: No known established child actors may play any of the 'new Goonies.' Find a cast of extremely talented and 100% UNKNOWN young actors. It will make a huge, huge difference.

- Recycle the score from the original. You can't beat that shit, so just use it again. And no, do NOT give us a 2003 techno-house urban hippity-hop remix version of "The Goonies R Good Enough" sung by Pink or any other stupid cunt. I don't want to hear it, and neither does anyone else. Leave it alone, it's fine.

- Do not feel the need to include some kind of substitute Sloth. I will simply assume that the Sloth character died sometime in the last twenty years. That is fine. Do not get some other actor to put on the ugly-face and repeat the catchphrases of the first movie. It'll suck. You may, if you wish, have adult-Chunk mention something about his old pal Sloth, but then just leave it at that.

- Do not make grownup-Data into a Cronenbergian fleshmetal cyborg with laser eyes and fingers that shoot off like small missiles. That would be dumb.

- Get Joey Pants back, make him the main villain, this time the head of a huge crime syndicate or something.

- Martha Plimpton.

- If I think of any more ways that a Goonies sequel would not suck, I'll post 'em. Meantime, feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments.

posted by geoff | 3:03 PM |
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