liberty punk
"the irony of the information age is that it's given new respectability to uninformed opinion."


Friday, October 17, 2003  

Baseball

I don't even watch it, really. All I know is that all this blogwide mania over the Yankees and the Redsox is unnecessary, for I have the knowledge, the wisdom, and the insight to make a 100% reliable prediction: The Yankees will win the series, like they do PRETTY MUCH ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. They'll win. That's all they do: they win. I often find myself wishing they wouldn't, because a sport in which one single team keeps on winning and winning and winning and winning, all the while trouncing and humiliating every opposing team in their path, all the while fueling their fans' volcano-hot devotion to their super-keen winningness, well, it sorta bores the piss out of me.

Lose, Yankees. Lose big, lose spectacularly, and lose just when everyone thought you were gonna win again. If it were possible, I'd ask you to lose to the Diamondbacks or something. I'm asking you to do this because I think it's in your own best interest (and in the interest of your fans, whether they realize it or not) to humble yourselves for once. Doesn't winning all the time kind of suck the flavor from each individual win?

This has been a PSA from a guy who doesn't really watch baseball, and yet sometimes finds himself wanting to slug a random gloating Yankee fan in the mouth, because yeah, it sure is brave and exciting to root for a team that never loses the ol' whack-a-sphere-with-a-stick contest, isn't it.

If any of this offends you, the reader, in any personal way, I invite you to reevaluate your priorites.

And Yankees, if you decide to ignore my "please lose" advice, then I hope, at least, that when you win, you had to try really, really, really goddamn fucking hard to do it. I hope that your ranks suffer unprecedented numbers of injuries and humiliations along the way, and maybe even an embarassing scandal or two. I hope that if you win, you do so with the bitter taste of a near-loss turning your winning smiles into something more like tired grimaces.

Because then you'll truly know what championship feels like. It'll feel a lot different from the smug arrogance you and your fans are used to.

And again, if any of this pisses you, the reader, off, just say to yourself, "This idiot has no idea what he's talking about." It'll make you feel better, and hopefully you won't have to go beat your kids or kick your pets around in an "I can't believe he insulted the Yankees!" rage.

posted by geoff | 11:23 AM |
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